Chance to Relive!

The train honked and the heavy wheels started moving. Tears brimmed up constantly and finally, to the extent of blurring visibility. A baby started distancing gradually. Sonali had been through this sinking feeling before and this was yet again. And like always, she had decided to remain rock-solid and tough enough, to not let that feeling tear her apart.

But this time, it was simply unexpected. Unlike previous times, this time she saw a wailing Kiyaan trying to wriggle out of his grandfather's arms to be with his mother. It was very different from the times when the separation was simply an insignificant incident for the normally very cheerful child.

Or maybe in all those similar times, everyone wanted to believe that it was not affecting the child at all…….it was very much possible that it mattered as much but he was simply unable to express it. The answer, no one would never know. Science had not progressed enough to convert a baby’s emotions into an adult comprehensible format!

'Mummy...!!', he cried out loud. He didn’t know anymore words to express himself. But the feelings were the same on both ends, the mother’s and the child’s; that of separation and deep heartache.

Unlike other times this time, the mother was quiet in her expressions while the child was crying out loud. This caused Sonali’s emotions give-in to the circumstances. She ran forth and snatched the baby from her father's arms.

'Leave him......he shall stay with me.....I shall manage....You don’t need to worry over that. He is completely my responsibility!'

Sonali’s father responded immediately by pulling the baby back into his arms, before the train gained speed. The train picked up pace and in no time, it was a distant image. Sonali kept watching it, till it was no more visible.

Both Sonali and her husband realized, whenever there have been attempts to bypass emotions, they have made us realize that they are stronger.

As she wiped her tears and her husband comforted her, she looked around. She had already created a scene at the railway station. There were passengers and cart-shopkeepers and cart-loaders watching, with a question- mark on their face. They were able to fathom the pain of separation from a baby but were unable to understand....Why?

There would have obviously been several questions shuttling in their heads. Why did she have to let the baby go? Who was the person to whom she had handed over the two-year-old? And off course the most intriguing one would have been.......Was it her kid?

Both parents were too much in pain to bother for anyone else's questioning faces. They simply walked past to return home expecting that a busy office schedule, the next day would completely deviate their minds from what had just happened. ‘Time heals everything’, they say.

Yes! the baby was theirs. The person with whom she let go the baby was the child’s grandfather. The grandmother was too emotional to witness all this and was hence sitting inside the train cabin. She was reluctant to stand bidding goodbye at the entry gate of the train. 'Why?' was a topic still to understand.

Everyone was delighted with the baby! And with baby came the happiness and the true meaning to life. Sonali started comprehending how anyone around us enters the world one fine day and gradually develops into being the person that he or she is. Maybe, Sonali was maturing with motherhood or simply being a mom! Sometimes, it was difficult to believe that she was a mother now. It was an experience which no other feeling could compensate.

Besides the little fun adventures which comes with a new born baby......there were also plenty of learnings. A baby was unaware of the difference between fire and water or even height and depth. A baby didn’t know what was good or bad. They had to teach him what was dirty or clean or what needed to be eaten and which to be thrown. Both of Kiyaan’s parents realized that a baby was almost like a playing dough.......it was completely upon them how they moulded it. Or maybe even like a class-whiteboard, it was up to them what needed to be written on it or how they would chalk out his personality. Obviously like any other parent, they would want the best for their baby. But there are also circumstances and happenings. Or maybe, this was just a spiritual outlook which Sonali was developing. Or maybe, that was actually how each one around us was created!

All of this delight was however, very short-lived. It came quickly ticking on the clock, that the maternity leave was coming to an end. And office life was round- the-corner. Peculiarly and sadly, the professional world had no empathy for such situations despite the fact that everyone’s existence was party to this! Very unwillingly, but she had to join back. Everyone in office welcomed her back with open arms. That was however general office camaraderie. The line was immediately drawn when it came to work. No one was willing to comprehend the kind of energy raising a child required. From drowsiness to weakness to getting back home on time. Funnily, everyone would have experienced it or know it, but it seemed difficult to accommodate given the fact that 'self' was a priority everywhere. And when it came to assisting the other or the self, the latter is a priority for each one of us. The professional world was no different.

It all came raining down on her head in no time. From baby diapers to unprepared corporate meetings; from paediatricians to excel sheets; from sleepless nights to drowsy mornings: it was all in a mess in no time. She had her parents for support but given their age it was a difficult for them too. And obviously how long could they stay, leaving their own house locked in their native town. People with parents in the same town were blessed!

Her parents had to leave some or the other day. And the time of departure was due on its arrival. There was also a time when the delighted grandparents were oscillating between the hometown and the metro but how feasible was that option to continue for long?

Sonali had already availed her complete maternity sabbatical and all the other saved leaves. Practically, it was very difficult for Sonali to leave everything to sit at home for taking care of her child. The funniest part was that each one around us would have certainly undergone a similar situation at some point of time or the other, but no one would be willing to comprehend the reason for the gap in your career. It was surprising! Leave aside the baby, what if there are ailing parents or what if the person himself is ill or maybe he met with an accident. How could the professional world assume that our lives came without illness or accidents? Why should a gap in the career rupture the employability chances?

Well, the simple answer was that no one wanted to invest time, energy and finances into the trainings and updates that would be required for the employees on sabbatical. But that would anyway be required for the existing employees as well. And, any individual also came with a work experience to bank upon or even if not that, then at least talent and education. Well actually, there was already a vast pool of talented, ambitious, experienced aspirants and that seemed far more easy and simpler to harvest upon.

Sonali had always been an ambitious person who wanted to create wonders in her profession. Ever since her school to her college to her profession she had always been a sincere contender in her career. There were a few hits and a few misses, but she had never imagined herself as a non-working person.

However, like all other mothers, Sonali gave priority to her motherhood over everything else. She resigned and decided to stay with her parents for some time along with the baby. No one knew the definition of ‘some time’. It was funny, that having undergone through the same set of circumstances, how the professional world had calculated the ‘maternity leave’ to get over in three months. Does everything come back to normal in both professional and personal life within three months? Would a baby grow up enough to take care of himself within three months or for that matter even two years? Sonali was unable to fathom how people didn’t understand or pretended not to understand all of this.

The baby was happily growing up in the arms of his grandparents and mother. The baby’s longing father was however, away working. Someone needed to earn the bread for the family! Sadly again, an equal weightage to fatherhood has never been given. As Kiyaan grew up, Sonali observed that he could not distinguish between the good or bad, something that we homo sapiens had conveniently categorised everything into. One day, Sonali’s maid was mopping the floor and the child was feeling thirsty. He was just about to touch the water in the mopping bucket when Sonali held his hand just right in time. She had to explain to him that the water which appeared dirty was not meant for drinking. The baby stared back with a blank expression. As she further explained, that whatever water was in the bucket was not there for drinking, she was not sure whether he was understanding all of that.

Time flew between feeding, catching upon sleep, vaccinations and lovely moments with the baby. It was the baby’s father who was missing out on all these ethereal moments. Didn’t fathers want to spend time with their babies? The world was so cold to this fact as well. Travel became the way of life for all to be together. Sometimes it was Sonali while at other times it was her husband. Sonali knew that this was a temporary resolution and could not survive for long. This was not a fool proof option again! It survived a year. And now, there was even a career gap which none would be willing to consider.

And hence, Sonali decided to get back to her job. Not because she was ready to work but simply so that an expiry date to her employability is not tagged along with the career gap. People were still willing to adjust and accommodate to the term ‘one-year maternity sabbatical’. But not many were willing to accept a duration longer than that, as a career gap.

The only person who was completely unaware of all this despite being in the centre of the whirlwind was very innocently the child himself! Or maybe everyone thought that the child was unaware since no one understood his language or his expressions. A baby is unable to express his feelings in a language that we can comprehend. Maybe the child was completely aware and was as much in pain. No one could tell! Science still had miles to go to develop upon that part.

Sonali had no option but to get back to work. After numerous discouraging and disheartening attempts, she did manage to win herself a job. This was a small victory for Sonali in several ways. There were 24-hour video-streaming day-cares but again it was completely upon the parents’ perception. Was it too early for leaving the baby for complete days at day-cares? Or was it OK? Well, leaving at the grandparents’ care sounded as a much more reliable option.

In no time online trainings, meetings and power point presentations became the order of the day. There were missed festivals or birthdays or other occasions in which either the father or the mother or both would be absent. There were many missed moments as well.....like his first walk or first word and many more. Video chats served as their saviour. Sonali felt blessed to get such supportive parents who were completely willing to raise the child on her behalf. She considered herself lucky at least on this part! This decision was more easily taken than implemented however.

Every time the parents paid Kiyaan a visit, they could see that he was unable to distinguish between his family member and a visitor. The love was unconditional and uniform for all at least from the kid’s end. Maybe that’s the way God felt and intended for all of us.

One evening, Sonali was arranging few clothes in her wardrobe while her son played on the bed with his toys. It was within a flip-second when Sonali had turned away from the kid and the child fell onto the floor from the bed. The entire family heard the ‘thud’ and came rushing to her room. Her father immediately picked up his wailing grandchild while Sonali stood frozen in shock and fear. She realized that her baby had crawled till the edge of the bed and then fallen down. He did not know that there was complete void beyond the edge and that he would fall onto the floor. Was that innocence or divinity, she was unable to fathom. She pledged to herself however to be doubly careful, especially from fire, water or height. Thankfully, the baby was not seriously wounded.

Sonali never realized, when he was growing but each time, he looked slightly different from his earlier images or photographs. He once picked up a phrase from a neighbour. It was very difficult for mommy dear to get that off his tongue. That was how children picked up on language or behaviour. It’s the world and circumstances around a child which built his personality and it was completely the responsibility of we grown-ups to give any child the correct environment. Time was fleeting in between these happenings and observations.

The grandparents were taking optimum care of the child, in raising him up. They would visit the parents' home regularly: sometimes fortnightly, sometimes monthly; depending on both convenience and opportunities. The visits were awaited all the time but each time the parents separated from the baby the pain aggravated even more. The baby-bond was growing stronger per visit. There were busy weekdays but lonely weekends or evenings. Then there were days when the parents sulked or cursed themselves or the stars for such a situation.

The guilty parents certainly made attempts to make themselves feel better. They would have cups of tea and sat and chatted together about their week at office. To their surprise, unlike previously they would run out of topics within a short duration. More importantly, those subjects just did not hold any significance and they both were now equally disinterested. Their flat felt absolutely blank and deserted without their child. They yearned for their son to be by their side. They realized that this was the ultimate joy of their life now! No outing or shopping or movie could replace the bliss of being with the baby.

All knew that this particular arrangement was short-lived as well. Gradually, it started taking a toll in all arenas be it physical, emotional or mental and even financial for that matter! It was not easy to travel so much without shelling out a decent sum. Both the parents and baby were travelling depending upon the situation. As for the ageing grandparents, it was obviously much easier to raise a child than a grandchild. It was difficult undertaking all while coping up with their ailments at the same time.

In no time, it was the child’s third year running with both parents working. One of them was working merely for the continuity of her career and the other for his salary. And again, the baby was not with them! The separation was painful. And now, there was an even more excruciating pain different from the initial situations. And that was that the child was beginning to comprehend the fact that, the people who visited him or whom he visited regularly would be departing after some time. Not that it would have made any sense to him, but the bond had become strong enough that each time they separated it pricked the baby as well. It might have hurt earlier as well, but he was never able to express it earlier. Now it had simply converted to wails and tears. And, it finally got converted to words one fine day……’Mummy Papa.....Please don't go!' This line penetrated deep into the parents’ hearts and tore them apart. Both parents knew that this could and should not be the solution as well. It was still fine to feel the pain of separation but to inflict the same on the baby was absolutely unfair. And completely incorrect of parenthood. On the other side, if the kid had started to comprehend, then the grandparents were ageing at the same time. The pain aggravated even more when these innocent words started expressing themselves in different formats on each separation. Sometime it would be......'Please don’t leave me'. Then on others it would be, 'I want to go with you.' And then it was those silent tearful eyes. Yes, there were chocolates and toys and trips to deviate the kid’s attention, but now he had begun to feel the void of his parents’ absence. The parents could sense the child's pain. It was a clear manifestation when he would be unwilling to interact with them over videoconferencing or a call. It seemed like he completely disowned them when they were distant and was all in hugs and kisses when they were physically present with him. These were contrasting reactions completely narrating his own distinct story. His story of missing them badly.

It had pierced and pricked the parents enough that finally they put their foot down on the situation and decided....Enough was enough! They would not let time dominate over the situation and play its own game anymore.

It was high time to take action! The parents religiously checked upon nannies and day-cares. They realized that times had changed drastically and it was unlike olden days. Long time ago, parents could hand over their children to the nannies peacefully and move over for work only to delightfully meet their kids in a perfect condition in the evenings. Nannies were reliable then. They would manage the kids like their own. They would take care of their nutrition, lull them to sleep, play with them and do every other thing that was required to take care of the baby till the mother was back. But times were different......it was the digital era. While technology was scaling new heights, humanity and goodness were touching new lows. And nannies were too much a risk to take for a baby who would be unable to express himself of any inconvenience. 'Reliable' was a big word and it spanned everything from products to humans.

The only thing which was in favour of the current set of circumstances was the kid's age. Now he was in a decent age to be put conveniently into a day-care. He could be involved in creative activities and would manage to at least hint, if he was not taken care of appropriately. And, after ample evaluation of the pros and cons, Day-care sounded as a comparatively more feasible and reliable option for them. Sonali had to anyways part with her child.... be it at the day-care or at the grandparents’ town. Hence, she decided to give day-care a chance!

To everyone’s respite, the child finally moved along with the parents. The parents would now drop him at the day-care and when picked back, checked with the child whether he was convenient at the day-care. This would be done via a query list or simply trying to comprehend what the child was trying to express. They also had the liberty to hop in anytime at the playschool to check and for any duration. The best moment for Sonali would be when she would come to pick him up and would be gleefully greeted by him.

The jigsaw puzzle had finally started fitting into place. The guilty parents had finally grabbed the bull by its horns. They persevered in every little way which could make the baby happier and comfortable. The parents had realized that nothing could be more blissful than raising up a happy child. The rest was comparatively irrelevant.

From her individual pending works to changing his nappies, there was not a second to think for anything else. Off course there were times which really got them on their nerves. Times when he refused to sleep in the night or wailed during an office call. But all of that was temporary and all the irritation and anger would whiff away in one laughter of their son. From interacting with the kid to playing with him to singing him a lullaby; all was though tiring yet a very fulfilling experience. Full of fun!

It was one early weekend morning when they woke up to see the child in deep sleep. They observed that any child was innocent and selfless. They thought to themselves, this was a new lease of life and an opportunity to live again. This was almost like life was offering them to relive all the years right from their childhood till date, yet again. It was upon them to being able to live the same optimally. It was almost like finding a new meaning to life. Maybe that’s the way God intended it.

Maybe that was the reason the entire mankind reproduced. To give new meaning and direction to life. It’s a rebirth. A time to live again. Certainly, there were people who were happy otherwise as well. However, this was an ethereal experience. Far from the wear and tear of daily life, far from the professional success to career failures; this was magical. It just needed your love. And would love you back. Maybe this was God!