Aching Athlete

The finishing-line was all that she could see at that point of time.

It was the 100m track-race in her college.

‘Ready? ……On-your-marks…….Get-Set……………. Go!’

The pistol shot in the air and all the contestants took off in their complete capacity.

She could sense a competitor reaching close to her. Off Course!! She couldn’t let that happen. ‘Common…..Kirti…..You can do it!!’, there was a friend yelling out, for boosting her up. She mustered all her left-over stamina, inner-strength, motivation and sprinted further.

The crowd cheered at this effort and all of this culminated into finally crossing the finishing line. The stadium was resonating with motivating hoots and cheers from a bunch of friends. They ran with water to greet her at the edge of the sports stadium.

However, before she could enjoy her victory…….there was a sudden blackout and she collapsed there on the track. The field helpers and attendants ran to her with the energy drinks and her friends ran to the tracks to hug and congratulate her.

She had recuperated in the meantime. And was delighted to see all her friends around her.

‘Oh common, Kirti!! Change your final act for once. You don’t need to fall at the finishing line every time!’

Kirti was smiling. She truly cherished her bunch of friends who batted for her under all circumstances. It was her college group, a genuine lot of friends who were ready to even yell at her if she was incorrect. Interestingly, the entire group consisted of guys except for her. While others wondered about what made that possible. However, there was one strong common connect. And that was Sports!

Kirti was an athlete in short-distance races besides, long-jump, high-jump and hurdles. 100m, 200m were her forte and she would occasionally dare for a 400m on constant inspirational coaxing by her friends. That was a rare try because she usually used to lose all her energy after a point of time. Whether it was an ankle cramp, or a depreciating level of glucose, or an exhausted body; it did not matter to any. The entire group was participating in one or the other event of their choice.

At the final award ceremony her hands were loaded with cups and certificates. And her neck with medals. These moments were precious. The Annual Sports Meet finally concluded with the National Anthem following which, all dispersed. Her group went to the wayside college- canteen to indulge into scrumptious snacks. The celebration was not only for Kirti. It was for the other winners as well. The friends were flooded with ‘Congratulations!’ from all ends. And the proud winners relished that the most. It was a ‘dream come true’ for all.

The next day, it was a regular practice in the evening after classes. ‘Practice’ was an incorrect word. It was their collective fun time. They would get together after classes in the evening at the distant college canteen, which was closer to the college sports stadium. They would cycle till there together with the guys gossiping all the way about the girls and girlfriends in the college. It was bunch of fifteen enjoying the beginning of adulthood. Kirti was a mere observer to all their conversations which would surprise and also disgust her at times. To the disgusting ones, she had to merely shut them up!

The college restaurant a.k.a. 'dhaba' was a specialist in all delectable snacks and a divine cup of tea which would energize them all.

Sports-shoes and track-pants. All were ready, steady and go. Some boys would enjoy the basketball game while others would have a clash at the football field competing with the other groups; while still some would jog around the tracks preparing themselves for long-distance races. Kirti would constantly practice for her races and jumps with one of her friends observing and timing with the stopwatch. Her friends had amply nurtured her talent through critical guidance and the absence of a coach was never felt. All would have a joyful time in each other’s company as they took breaks for chats, observations and comments.

Girls’ hostel in-time was 6.30pm and that would make Kirti return from the fantastic fields back to her hostel room. Her friends would accompany her till the hostel fence-line for a see-off. Occasionally, they would assist her in jumping over the back-gate fence whenever she got late. Thankfully, there was no guard deployed at this point and in fact very few knew about this entry-point. This back-fence was something that they had discovered themselves. And it was a savior entry-point for Kirti in-case she crossed the timelines. The dusky darkness was a welcome helper in these attempts.

After the hostel-entry signature, Kirti would be too exhausted to pick a book for studies. She would need an evening nap to gather all her energies for her academic work. ‘It would have really been great if academics had no place in life’, she would think to herself. But the unsaid was, there was no choice.

The next day meant back-to-back college classes. And voluntary mass bunking from the boring lectures was a common but irregular practice. The entire group would get together at the nearby canteen for chats, lunch and some would deviate for dating. This was the usual way of life for the well-knit bunch who would discuss everything across the canteen table from the food, to their dreams, to their fantasies to their fears. Each one knew the other.

The first year of college had simply flown past in introductions and spreading wings. While the second year had strengthened their friendships. The third year had however come with a few deviations as well, following fights and dating. The huddle had begun to disintegrate. Some because of repulsions or dislike or arguments and some simply because the respective girlfriends needed to be attended to. A friend’s understanding and pardon was taken for granted in this latter case. They would always understand. Hence, the frequency of evening teas and get-togethers started declining with someone or the other not attending.

The ones with strong interest in sports would certainly attend irrespective of anything. They would timely peddle to the stadium and get into enjoying the running, jumping and jogging. All of this would lift their spirits out of anything dark running in their minds.

It was the end of the third year. One evening, all of them were huddled up discussing what each one wanted to pursue as a career. Amongst options of engineer, MBA, corporate and even cricket Kirti voiced her wish to continue in Athletics. Everyone laughed at this which was hurtful for Kirti.

‘Do you know what the future of women athletes has been in this country?’

‘How will you earn your regular bread and butter?’

‘What if your performances do not catch up?’

‘Do you realize that you are devoid of energy by the time of crossing the finishing line?’

Kirti was bombarded with questions. She was demotivated with all this. Just when the friends realized this, they shut themselves up and zipped their mouths.

‘Kirti, we are sorry but that’s the sad truth!’

‘I would not let that be a sad truth of my life. I will change it.’

‘That’s like an athlete Kirti!’, said Rahul.

‘That’s the spirit!’, joined in Siddharth.

‘Keep trying. Never give up!’, commented Akaash.

‘Give me five!’ All joined in.

And everyone’s spirits lifted up to the normal. Thankfully, no one in the left-over group was overly pessimistic. Each one believed that you could achieve almost anything with perseverance and sincerity. However, it was ‘almost anything and not ‘everything’.

As usual, the next evening everyone huddled up at the stadium.

‘Hey, tell me how to increase my stamina. The sports day is about a month away.’ Kirti was earnestly asking this question since she knew her stamina was her biggest weakness.

‘Why do you need to bother? You are going to win anyways’, laughed Akaash.

Kirti dug her eyes into Akaash as if splitting him into pieces.

‘Oh, sorry……I mean there are multiple ways to do that. First is eating right. Then comes up these warm-ups and then are these exercise stunts.’

Akaash was actually physically describing whatever he was speaking about.

Each friend had their own expert advice on the popular topic of ‘How to increase physical stamina and strength?’

‘Guys, you can all be professional Sports Consultants!’ It was Kirti’s turn to smirk.

Each one ran after her after this sentence. She ran all across to the tracks challenging them to beat her at the race. They followed her but let her go after some time. All had a nice time chatting and joking on their way back to the college hostels.

In no time the Sports Day had arrived again. Nobody had realized the burnout of the in-between days that had passed by. This was simply because the days were in between their laughter and exercises, jokes and practice sessions, teasing and snacking which all enjoyed thoroughly.

‘And on the fifth track, we have Kirti.’ The announcement brought together her friends cheering for her. Kirti was ready for the 100m.

And she took off with full force on the tracks after the pistol shot in the air. She always had an edge over the others if she started correct. And this time, she crossed the finishing line conveniently. Her friends were elated. But like regular business she collapsed after the finishing line. None of her friends would worry about her falling at the finishing line. By now everyone had got used to it. They knew she would recover in no time. They ran to the tracks to congratulate her.

Kirti was surrounded by the crowd and lay on the tracks smiling. ‘Hey pick yourself up’, Akaash pulled her up. And as Kirti mustered all her stamina to greet the cheering lot, she crashed on the field. Her friends pulled her to the edge of the tracks along with the volunteers’ assistance.

‘Oh, C’mmon……get up. This trick is not going to earn you any sympathy from us.’

‘We know you are kidding.’

Kirti started quivering and her mouth started ejecting froth. She lost consciousness. Her friends were surprised.

The field-helpers rushed to call on the doctor. The college doctor was very much seated amongst the spectators and went on to check her. By the time he reached, Kirti had gained back consciousness but was very weak. Her friends helped her get up and stand. The doctor sir observed her and suggested for a visit to a neurologist. Not many knew what was supposed to be a neurologist’s specialization. He explained it was for brain and peripheral nerves. Kirti was fine by now and was querying what had happened.

‘The college doctor observed that you’ve gone mad and suggested for you to visit a neurologist.’

‘Shutp Rahul!! What had happened? Did I win?’

‘Off course you did and collapsed as usual. But this time you were not able to recover.’

‘Really?’

‘We should have captured that in a video to make you believe. This Sunday, let’s go to a neurologist. We’ll explain what had happened on your behalf.’

Annual Sports Event concluded with Kirti not participating in the pending competitions since she felt absolutely exhausted and drained out of energy. And the Sports Day concluded with Kirti winning only one race. She just shrugged it off as a rare occurrence and enjoyed the other friends’ victories.

The next day all of them gathered to check upon the popular neurologists in the town, over the internet. Akash accompanied Kirti for a medical visit on Sunday. The doctor suggested for a few reports after listening to the entire incident. He predicted of something called ‘Epilepsy’. Kirti continued with all the tests in the hospital while Akaash spent the time sitting aside on a bench, surfing on his mobile. Finally, both friends sat for lunch at a nearby restaurant.

‘Hope you are not tensed!’, commented Akaash.

‘For what?’, shrugged Kirti.

‘Kirti, Epilepsy is not an everyday disease. Did you check upon the details about it?’

‘Not yet. I thought checking the details would only make sense if I am detected with that.’

‘What did you check on my behalf?’, inquired Kirti.

‘Just that Kirti is robust and nothing can weigh her down’, smiled Akaash.

Both chatted and joked for more than one hour at the restaurant, as they enjoyed their delightful meal. The SMS beeped in between, informing that the reports had arrived. They had conveniently completed their lunch by then.

They went to the hospital labs, collected the reports and headed to the clinic. Since it was in complete medical terms, reading the reports did not help them and completely bounced off their heads. Thankfully, the neurologist was still present at the hospital despite it being 6pm.

‘Beta, unfortunately you have been detected with Epilepsy. It is a neurological disorder which sometimes causes the brain activity to go abnormal. And that makes you have seizures where you may or may not completely lose consciousness.’

This did not disturb Kirti. She simply seemed to think, ‘So what?’

The doctor continued, ‘Sometimes it may cause mouth frothing as well. You will need to undergo several precautions. From avoiding height, depth, fire and traffic as precautions to taking regular dosages of the medicines I prescribe.’

This was exactly what Akaash had mentioned to Kirti at the restaurant. He had read about it over his internet surfing.

‘You will need to avoid anything which stresses your mind like lack of sleep, tensions etc:- Even physical activities which causes your mind to stress or body to strain.’

‘How can you avoid tensions?’, wondered Kirti.

She was now beginning to get concerned.

‘What did body strain imply?’, she asked.

‘Extreme exhaustion or stamina-depreciation.’

‘Sir, I hope I can run races or participate on the tracks?’

‘To the extent, that you do not stress or strain yourself.’

Kirti was now upset. It was very evident on her face. Akash was able to observe that.

‘You need to make sure that when you have seizures, you are handled with care and no one tries to physically stop the seizure. It might take some time to recuperate and gain complete balance of mind and body. You should be seated or lying down till then’, the neurologist concluded.

They thanked the doctor, collected the prescription and reports and went to the pharmacy.

‘What nonsense is this? Where did this come from?’

‘Kirti, a disease does not knock on your door to take permission for entry’, responded Akaash.

Both managed to board the last bus back to the hostel from town. They reached at the girls’ hostel in-time. Akaash saw her off at the gate and headed back to his hostel.

Kirti was completely preoccupied with the verdict while she had dinner alone. Akaash elaborated on what had happened at the clinic to the rest of the friends.

Kirti met her group the next morning near the canteen.

‘Hey Kirti, let’s sit here. Bunk the first class.’

‘I was unable to sleep properly the entire night’, informed Kirti.

‘Don’t worry, there are so many diseases in this world. You will just need to learn how to accommodate and cope with this one’, echoed all.

Each one suggested their expert opinion as Kirti curiously listened to each wishing that any of them could bring her some respite. The friends could not bring any respite but their talks managed to uplift her spirits at least.

It was evening, time for the stadium. All headed there riding on their bicycles. And on reaching there, they started their warm-ups and respective games.

Kirti was jogging across the track, thoroughly enjoying herself. She asked Akaash to check upon the timer and started with the sprint when somewhere midway, her head started reeling and Kirti sat on the track. She completely blanked out in no time. This could not be taken for granted by any of her friends. All rushed to her, only to see her arms and legs jerking and body stiffening. It took her about a minute to completely gain composure.

‘Are you fine Kirti?’, voiced in Akaash.

Kirti’s response was a nodding ‘Yes’.

‘Do you recognize us?’

‘Off Course!’, Kirti felt better as she collected herself.

‘You were unable to sleep last night. Maybe that’s the reason for this…’, concluded Rahul.

All spent the rest of the evening chatting at the stadium, instead of practicing or playing. Kirti picked herself up and decided to follow all the guidance given by the doctor and fight the evil called Epilepsy till the end.

‘This is exactly what I was fearing and now it has proved itself. I will not be able to strain my body in warm-ups or practices’, blurted out Kirti.

‘Don’t worry, you just need to keep a balance and not overdo anything. And remember? The neurologist had said that it won’t be a frequent happening if you took care of yourself and pay heed to the precautions mentioned.’ Kirti felt better after the chat and was determined to not let a disease weigh her down in any which way.

From thereon, it was back to regular business in college with days passing in between bunking, canteen snacks, daily evening practices and needless to mention classes and exams. Time flew and flew without anyone even realizing it.

And in no time, it was the Sports Day again. This was the last year of their college and hence all of their last Sports Day. It was an emotional realization for the entire group.

Kirti was at the starting line for the short-distance race.

‘Are you ready?’ Kirti mentally geared herself up.

‘On your marks……Get Set…..Go……’ Pistol shot in the air.

Kirti mustered all her strength and courage to take off. She was already leading. Her friends were cheering for her on top of their voices and this was extreme encouragement.

Somewhere in between, these voices were subdued. It had become bleak and the finishing line couldn’t be seen. Nevertheless, Kirti continued to run. Even before she could realize what was actually happening, she had already crossed the finishing line. And as a tradition, had fallen flat.

By the time, she opened her eyes and see her friends around her Kirti realized that she was already out of the running track on the side of the stadium.

‘Are you fine now?’, Rahul inquired anxiously.

‘How are you feeling? Do you need more water?’, joined in Akash.

‘Did I come first?’, was a response to their questions.

‘That is not important.’, responded the group.

Kirti collected herself and sat up to look around herself. She realized from the dashboard that she was definitely not amongst the medal-earners.

‘Would anyone tell me what was my position and what am I doing here outside the ground?’

‘You had blanked out Kirti’, informed Akaash

‘Yeah….fainted and frothed.’

‘We pulled you outside so that the events could continue.’

Kirti was shell-shocked. ‘Doesn’t matter….we still have the high and long jump pending.’

‘No Kirti.’

‘Hear us out for once.’

‘You can let it go.’

Not giving heed to anyone’s suggestions, Kirti walked back to participate in the pending events.

However, she did not feel energized enough to take the jolt start for either of the games. She withdrew from both on her own. It was better to try when you felt confident enough.

The Sports Day came to a close by the evening with Kirti not winning a single medal. Kirti was more confused rather than sad. From the starting line of a race, to the bar marking the height of a high- jump, to the line of the long-jump; an athlete’s heart had tried her best on an everyday practice basis. The heart tried its best till the end even today.

And instead of reveling in her victory, now it was the “That’s it!” moment.

As her group gathered to return back, it was a silent walk down to their hostels. This was a complete contradiction to the other years when all would go down celebrating and reveling in their victory. Despite a few wins in her group, all were mostly silent. Not because they were not happy or proud of their achievements. But simply because, their jubilation would hurt Kirti.

Kirti was preoccupied. Off course, athletics was beginning to grow in her country but it had miles to go before it actually became a feasible option for a career and when you know the surety of your future. And yes, there was the entire exploration of the process of proceeding through this maze.

Kirti had a stock of certificates by now. But she was not sure whether they would be considered now in concern of her disease. If you are an exemplary talent, there are many people to take notice of it. One could identify success and then nurture the flair. But no one would be willing to identify your flair and nurture it all the way to success. And now she herself was so unsure of her capabilities.

‘We’ve reached your hostel Kirti. Don’t worry just chill. It’s not a big deal.’

Kirti was awakened from her semi-conscious preoccupation of her thoughts. She faked a smile at all and hugged the winners and turned back to head towards the gate.

As she walked down, she thought to herself. ‘It is said a sportsman knows how best to play the game called life. But she was so confused with all the recent developments.’

Would she have to leave all this behind in pursuit of a career which could earn her money?

Would she have the fire to fight her disease and her drawbacks and weaknesses and so many other things on her way? How would she bridge the gap between her passion and profession?

The athlete was hurt severely. Not through bruises or sprains or wounds which athletes are regularly vulnerable to. But on her mind and certainly in her heart.

The aching athlete was asking herself and the entire silent universe. Now what?